Recently I have become to realize, only baby in the house, who needs my tender care is Lonni. Even my cats aren’t too bothered as long they have food under their nose, when they ask for it, which is every time they see me or anyone else to enter the kitchen.  Somehow my 2 babies are not babies anymore. They are almost adults with their own ideas, what they want to do and how to live their lives.

When is it ok to let your children make to their own mistakes and let them realize, their actions might have consequences to their future life? I still feel it’s my responsibility to check they have everything they need for the day and I ask my grumpy teenagers annoying questions.

I sometimes wonder is it more of my problem, than theirs? Am I worried I’m not really needed anymore? Is it the crises, because this stage of my life is over?

I feel, if I’m not checking on them, they will get hurt or fail and they can’t achieve their dreams. I feel responsible of their future, their failures and achievements.

My head says – step back and let them make their mistakes, if they don’t learn now, when  will they? But my heart not letting me step on side and just observe from the distance.

I never been pushy or over protective parent. I have been trying to be supportive and providing new experiences and let them choose their interests and friends. Maybe it’s just a case they don’t really need me for that anymore and I feel bit lost?

Is it wrong to change Xbox password as I’m worried that no homework gets done? I don’t always trust their ability to plan their time. Is it because my time management is appalling and I’m queen of the procrastination!

Why people say its gets easier, when children get older? Physically yes, it’s not so demanding, but mentally I find it’s much more draining. I’m scared to act wrong and I’m worried if I make mistake now, it will come and bite me 10 years’ time.

I avoid thinking of “mistakes” I already made. Not teaching them speak Estonian. Having a full time job, since they were young, which means working through most of the school holidays instead of booking fantastic holidays like other families. Not having enough money to provide them things, their friends have. Letting them have ice cream a day and other crappy food as I’m too busy or I want to go CrossFit instead of cooking nutritious meal every day. I can go on with my “guilty” list. 

So really – will I ever stop worrying?